Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, August 1

(¯`v´¯)
Ophelia

Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't
matter.
Those, who click me some grocery
money,
REALLY matter.
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1
Q: What is the difference between a psychotic and a
neurotic?
A: A psychotic thinks that 2 plus 2 makes 5.
A neurotic KNOWS that 2 plus 2 makes 4 --
but that is just not good enough for her.
(or him)

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2
The two teenagers were arrested for public lewdness and
possession of marijuana when they were found naked, each
smoking a joint, sitting on the edge of the fountain in the
town square.

The arresting officer told them they were entitled to a
phone
call, since he was unable to reach either parent.
Some time later, a man entered the station and the sergeant
said, "I suppose you're the kids' lawyer."
"Nope," the chap replied. "I'm just here to deliver them a
pizza."

_________________________________________________
3
The trendy dresser fancied himself quite a romeo, and
was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt. It
contained a girl's name and address, and asked the
recipient to send a photograph. How romantic, he thought
to himself, very taken with the idea of this mystery woman
so eager to meet him, and promptly mailed off a note and a
photo.Heart aflutter, he opened her response. It read,

"Thanks for writing. I was just curious to see what kind of
guy would buy such a goofy shirt."

_________________________________________________
4
Making a speech against the proliferation of X-rated
videocassettes, the mayoral candidate said,
"I rented one of these cassettes and was shocked to find by
my count five acts of oral sex, three of sodomy, a
transexual having sex with a dog, and a woman accommodating
five men at once. If elected, I vow that tapes such as
these will no longer befoul our fair community."

He concluded the fiery denunciation by asking,
"Are there any questions?"

Five people shouted in unison, "Where'd you rent the tape?"

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5
Eddie and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. Eddie
said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and
everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance
company paid for everything."

"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here
because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by
a flood, and my insurance company also paid for
everything."

Eddie looked somewhat confused. "How do you start
a flood?" he asked.

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6
A priest had the weight of the world on him and was
showing the effects. The church sent him to a psychiatrist,
who ordered him to take a week off. The priest went to the
largest city in the area. After about a dozen belts of
neat
whiskey, he found himself in one of the city's clip joints.

A waitress in a flimsy, low-cut uniform came over and
asked, "What'll it be, Father?"

The priest felt to see if he was still wearing his collar
by mistake, but he had none on. "How did you know I'm a
priest? he asked.

The waitress said, "I'm Sister Mary Margaret. I go to the
same psychiatrist!"

_____________________________________________________
7
One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm,
knocked, and Jammer's wife Frannie came to the door.
"Is your husband home, Ma'am?" he asked.

"Sure is. He's over to the cow barn."

"Well, I got something to show him, Ma'am. Will I have any
difficulty finding him?"

"Shouldn't have any difficulties... He's the one with the
beard and mustache, - and no horns."

_____________________________________________________
8
A man and his son are walkin' down the street,
when they see a big dog doin'the dirty with a
small poodle.

The son asks the father, "Daddy, what are they
doing???".

The man stumbles for a while, then calmly says,
"Why, they're making a puppy, son."

Later that evening during dinner, the wife is
pressuring the man to go 'upstairs' with her..
so they do.

The son goes in his room and tries to fall
asleep, but there just is too much noise going
on in the room next door. So he creeps out of
bed, goes in the hallway and opens the other
room. There he sees his mom laying on the bed
on her back, totally naked, and his father
above her, hands on her thighs, etc.  etc.

So the son asks, "Daddy, what are you doin'?".

Again, the man stumbles a little and says,
"Why, we're makin' you a little brother or
sister, son."

So the boy goes, "Well, turn her over. I would
rather have a puppy!"

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Enjoy!
Ophelia
===================



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or two, if you can afford it!

Please, help me stay online!

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Enjoy! (¯`v´¯) Ophelia ===================

If you like my work, Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online!