Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, March 22
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(`v)
Ophelia


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Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, ____________________________________________________ (`v) Ophelia Renew / Upgrade
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Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ____________________________________________________ 1 Man: "Can I buy you a whiskey?" Lady: "No you can't, whiskey is bad for my legs" Man: "That's a shame, do they swell?" Lady: "No, they open!" ____________________________________________________ 2 During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class: "Why is that during childhood,gals tend to grow taller than guys?" A student replied: "That's because guys have "balls" and that weighs them down." Teacher: "Then why is that at maturity, guys tend to grow taller than gals?" Student: "That's because gals have breasts and they are heavier than the guy's "balls" ____________________________________________________ 3 At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your daddy a great big hug!" ____________________________________________________ 4 A guy walks into a bookstore. Not looking for anything in particular. On his way to the back of the store, he spots something of interest. A book, with a very interesting title, "Dating for the New Millennium. What Women Want." So he picks it up and opens it to a random page. "Chapter 1 The First Date." So, he glances the chapter over for a few minutes, and rushes out of the bookstore to call a friend whom he's wanted to ask out for quite a while. When he gets home, picks up the phone and calls her. She answers, "Hello?" He says, "Hi, Jessica? It's me. Listen, I was wondering if you would want to go see a movie with me tonight?" She says, "Sure, I don't see anything wrong with that." He gets excited. He thought she'd say, "No Way!" but she didn't. So, he decided to take it one step further. He asks, "Great, well how about dinner before the movie?" She replies, "Sure, that would be great too!" "Fine, I'll pick you up about 9, you should have finished eating by then!" ____________________________________________________ 5 This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, and says, "I'll be home in an hour." "Perfect," she replies. The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no wife? She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I won't be there for about an hour and a half." The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "What should I do?" he asks. The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you have a housekeeper around?" "Yes" the man replied. "Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said the Doctor. The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra with the housekeeper." ___________________________________________________ 6 One day, two girls from Georgia were sitting on their front porch swing. One of them had just gotten back from the big city of New York and was telling her friend all about it. She starts , "You know," with a heavy southern drawl, "they have women up there who have sex with other women." Her friend gasps, and replies, "Oh, do tell! What do they call them?" "They call them lesbians," the first girl tells her. "And they have men who have sex with other men." Her friend gasps once again, and says, "Oh, do tell! What do they call them?" The first girl says, "They call them homosexuals." The first girl looks around to make sure no one is looking and whispers to her friend, "And you know... They have these men... Who'll put their face in a woman's private parts... And kinda lick around and do stuff with their tongue...." The friend gasps once again and whispers back, "Oh, do tell... What do they call them??" After looking around once again to make sure no one is listening, she whispers back, "I don't know... I just patted mine on the head ....and called him 'Precious'." ___________________________________________________ 7 A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the seat and relax. After a while a beggar came up to her and said, "Hello luv, how's about us going for a walk together." "How dare you," said the woman, "I'm not one of your cheap pickups!" "Well then," said the beggar, "what are you doing in my bed?" ___________________________________________________ 8 There once was a man from Boston Who rode around in an Austin. He had room for his ass And a gallon of gas, But his balls hung out and he lost 'em. ====================================================
Ophelia Dingbatter
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Ophelia Dingbatter
If you like my work,
Please donate a dollar,
or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online!
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