Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, May 18
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



While checking for news in Chicago, I came across this:
Lamborghini Bender
Looks like somebody was rolling a joint while driving, and 
expected the steering wheel to return to straight on it's own
a bit quicker than it does with a fancy sports car with steering
damper.

Enjoy!
Ophelia



Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 
Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!


A husband and wife were having dinner at a fine restaurant when
an absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table,
gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and
walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!"

"Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress."

The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce."

"I understand," replies her husband, "but remember, if you 
get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips, no 
more vacations, no Lexus in the garage, and no more
country club. But... the decision is yours."

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the
restaurant with a gorgeous woman on his arm.

"Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks.

"That's his mistress," replies her husband.

"Oh," says the wife, "Ours is prettier."




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RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

Macaroni Salad
 

The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version.

Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day 
or $10 per year?

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna









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Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

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Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, May 17

Re the G8 and NATO summit protests in Chicago:

The anarchists seem to be disappointed. There won't be enough
protesters to get any exciting mob actions and looting and 
burning going. And the G8 was moved to Camp David, which
most of the protesters can't find on the map, never mind get 
there in time.

So the Chicago Coalition Against War and Racism and the 
Gay Liberation Network will protest against NATO.
Another group, Grassroutes Caravan, which wants to call 
attention to environmental issues, has no plans to stay home. 
Twenty people have signed up so far to join the bicycle ride 
from Madison, Wis., to Chicago.

Is NATO going to worry about them?
Not really. So far the media and tourists watching the 
protesters and trying to coax them into some photogenic
action are outnumbering the protesters.

Enjoy!
Opheliaa



Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 
Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!


Mrs. O'Brien and Mrs. Bernstein bump into each other on the street.

Oye, Mrs O'Brien, I haven't seen you in years.  How are you?

Fine, just fine and you, Mrs. Bernstein?

Oh, wonderful.  I now live in a wonderful Jewish Home for the Aged and
the food is kosher and after dinner I go to my room and this nice Jewish
man comes in and we sit on the bed and he fondles my breasts and we sing
Jewish songs.

That's great Mrs. Bernstein....I have a similar situation.
I live in a home run by the Nuns and after dinner I go to my room and a
nice Catholic man comes in and we sit on the bed and he fondles my
breasts, but since we don't know any Jewish songs, we just fuck.




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RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

Baked Sweet Potatoes Dorm Style
 

The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version.

Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day 
or $10 per year?

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna










Subscribe 




Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

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Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, May 16

Re the G8 and NATO summit protests in Chicago:

I still can't figure out why the anarchists get into such a  
hysterical frenzy about those conferences. Nobody, who
attends the conferences, gives a hoot, or a fart, about the
dumb asses and their silly signs. The idiots don't realize,
that the grown-ups do have a reason for fighting in Afghanistan.
Like the Great Gretzky said: "At least we can keep the puck
in front of THEIR net."

That is what our troops are doing. Keeping the puck in front
of the terrorist's net, and keeping the enemy busy on their turf, 
instead of in your and my front yard.

Chicago Police seems to have learned from the G8 summit in 
Calgary and gave all their office staff summer uniforms, cool 
shades and bicycles. Nobody storms a line of frowning 
secretaries, and trip over the bicycles they hold. They likely 
hold a rolling pin or a baton in the left hand, that they so coyly 
hide. And they might tell mom!



Click through for the large picture


In the 70's that was "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity"
Twinkie must have worried that mom might see his sign
and cut his allowance.

Enjoy!
Ophelia



Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 
Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!


Today's Classic is the Baby Photographer
The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start 
their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.Smith kissed 
his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon." 

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer 
rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't 
know me but I've come to...." 

"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. 

"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of 
babies." 

"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. 
Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing. 

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the 
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor 
is fun too; you can really spread out." 

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me." 

"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we 
try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, 
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." 

"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith. 

"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in 
and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." 

"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed. 

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his 
baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London." 

"Oh my god!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. 

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their 
mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. 
Smith the picture. 

"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith. 

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the 
job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing 
to get a good look." 

"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement. 

"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The 
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. 
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the 
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." 

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, 
eh......equipment?" 

"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so 
that we can get to work." 

"Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now. 

"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big 
for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam?..... 
Good Lord, she's fainted!!"




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RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

Baked Sweet Potatoes (the Sr. Anna Way)
 

The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version.

Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day 
or $10 per year?

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna










Subscribe 




Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

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     103473

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, May 15

Some of you asked about what is going on with Greece.
Well, because they use Euros, they can't borrow from the
great-grand-kids like the US does, and just print more money.
By the end of May, the Greek government  will not have Euros
to pay Government workers, the military, and pensions.

"We will be in wild bankruptcy, out-of-control bankruptcy," 
said Theodoros Pangalos, the deputy prime minister of Greece. 
"The state will not be able to pay salaries and pensions. We 
have got until June before we run out of money."

They also won't be able to pay welfare to the over 50% of
under 25 years olds, who are unemployed.

You may be able to imagine what will happen. 50% of the young
people, who usually are the most volatile, the 25% unemployed
aged between 25 and 50, and the pensioners will have no way
to put bread onto the table except with looting and robbing.

The cops and the military won't be paid any more either.
And no money for the jails.

No Euros left, and the rest of the world extremely concerned 
about the money, that they have already lent to Greece.

Some countries have already written down the loans, that they 
have given to Greece to 50% on the dollar. It would be a bit
silly to expect those countries to throw more money that way.

No matter how cheap trips to Greece look for this summer 
and fall, it will not be a good idea to go there, 
or through there.

One fact about Greece, that nobody else mentioned is the
brain drain. For the last 30 years the smart people saw that
the left-leaning social programs, government handouts, and
bloated salaries of outrageously corrupt government officials
would sooner or later bankrupt the country, 
and so they emigrated to NorthAmerica and central European 
countries. What's left are those, who continued to vote for
the most socialist governments and the biggest handouts.

The same is happening in California. Bozo Brown now wants
to impose an income tax surcharge on those, who create jobs,
and give more handouts to those, who already get more than
they would, if they were working. DUH! If that does not cause
a brain drain, I don't know what would.

Oh, well, California is probably 3 - 4 years behind Greece,
no panic yet.

Enjoy!
Ophelia




Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 
Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!


A high school girl finally had the opportunity to go to a party
all alone.

Since she was very good looking, she was a bit nervous 
about what to do if boys hit on her. Her Mom said,

"It is very easy! Whenever a boy starts hitting on you, you ask
him 'What will be the name of our baby?', that will scare them
off." So off she went.

After a little while at the party a boy started dancing with her
and, little by little, kissing her and touching her. She asked
him, "What will our baby be called?"

The boy found some excuse and disappeared. Some time 
later the same thing happened again, a boy started to kiss 
her neck, her shoulders... she stopped him and asked him 
'What will be the name of our baby?',

He ran off.

Later on, another boy invited her for a walk. After a few 
minutes he started kissing her and she asked him, 
"What will our baby be called?"

He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. 
"What will our baby be called?" she asked once more.

He began to have sex with her. "What will our baby be called?!"
she asked again.

After he was done, he peeled off his condom, 
tied it in a knot and said,
"If he gets out of this one, either Houdini or Copperfield!"




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RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

Quick Almond Oat Cookies
 

The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version.

Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day 
or $10 per year?

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna












Subscribe 




Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

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     103256

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday,May 14

I found out that Hunza bread and dandylion salad, with a
boiled egg sliced onto it, makes a delicious meal. 
Quite cheap, and because the Hunza bread is an appetite
killer for about four to six hours after eating a slice of it,
it saves me money that way too. 

It is not a nasty, chemical type appetite killer, that makes
you feel grungy or sick or speedy, with Hunza bread you 
simply don't feel the need to eat. It's just a satisfied feeling,
as if you had just finished eating.

There are many versions of the recipe floating around. Most
are as wacky and wrongly labeled as when some people
call the mess they make with Hamburger Helper "goulash".

I had heard about Hunza Bread and experimented with many
of the supposedly "Original" recipes, that were all just fakes.
Finally, about a dozen years ago I bought the real recipe and
pasted it up onto the wall above my bread maker.

The bread maker has since then given up the ghost, but now
and then I still use the recipe and just knead the dough by hand.

Enjoy!
Ophelia




Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 
Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!


An Elderly lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify 
their sexes. She calls the shop, and the clerk advises her 
to watch them carefully and all would become clear in time.

She spends weeks staring at the cage and eventually catches 
them doing what comes naturally.  To make sure she doesn't 
get them mixed up gain, she makes a ring from a piece of 
cardboard and puts it round the male parrot's neck.

A while later, the local priest visits the old lady.  The male
parrot takes one look at the father's collar, wolf whistles, and says,
"I see you got caught screwing, too!"




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RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

Almond-Honey Cake (no gluten)
 

The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version.

Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day 
or $10 per year?

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna












Subscribe 




Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

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     103067

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday,May 13

Got the salads for the weekend taken care of!
I picked a nice big bowl of young dandylion leaves. They 
have to be young and short, beore they get milky and bitter.
Now the challenge is what to scrounge to go with the salad.

Enjoy!
Ophelia




Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 
Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!


A guy goes to a carnival and sees a sign: 
Kisses:  You Pay $5 ..or.. I Will Pay You $10

He asks the pretty girl selling kisses, "Is the price difference 
due to the duration of the kiss?" 

To which she replies, "Nope.... Lips location." 




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RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

Mother's Day French Toast, Using Mom's
 (or whoever is nice to you) Favorite Fruit
 

The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version.

Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day 
or $10 per year?

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna












Subscribe 




Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

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MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011

     102864

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday,May 12

Saw the first dandylions of the season!
No daffodils yet. Hopefully they are not skipping this spring!
Raspberries are showing tiny green leaves, and I expect
the trees to bloom soon. Spring is definitely on the way now!

Enjoy!
Ophelia




Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 
Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!


A postman calls on a regular customer and is surprised to
find hanging in her lounge a large white sheet with a hole
in the middle of it.

"What's that in aid of?" he inquired.

"Well," the housewife blushed, "we had a big party here
last night and after midnight things got a bit silly. In this
game", she said, taking the sheet down, "a man would
put his equipment through the hole, then the women
came in and tried to identify the owner of the equipment.
It was a scream!"

"I'll bet it was," remarked the mailman, "wish I'd been
there."

"You should have been," she said, "your name came up
three times."




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RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

Mother's Day French Toast, Using Mom's
 (or whoever is nice to you) Favorite Fruit
 

The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version.

Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day 
or $10 per year?

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna












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Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

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     102676

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, May 11
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Maryann, my neighbor, mentioned she had some meat, that 
was getting past the expiry date. So naturally, I hurried 
over there to look at it. TWO days past the expiry date!
That is dangerous and needs very special methods, and with
her hubby's delicate stomach, was just too risky. He could
get botulism or malaria or whatchamacallit!
To make a long story short, I walked out of there with that
nice, big piece of meat. 

It was a "Cross Rib Pot Roast"! Pretty fancy! I had never
bought anything that fancy and was wondering how to cook
it. I had started a fresh vegetable soup in my big old cast 
aluminum 3 gallon pot earlier today, and had left room for
a head of cauliflour. Usually one store or another puts 
cauliflour on sale on Friday. 

So, instead of worrying about a marinade or whatever is proper
for a pot roast, I gently lowered itinto the vegetable soup, and
let it simmer.

Two hours later I tested it. It was perfect!

Enjoy!
Ophelia




Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 
Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!


An Italian family is at the dinner table 
when the father says to his oldest son, "Chris! Why you a such 
a fat a boy?"

Chris says, "Poppa, it's a Mama's spaghetti! I can't a stop 
a eating it." 

Poppa says, "You should a take a smaller bites!" 

Then Poppa says to his middle son, "Michael! Why you a 
such a fat a boy?" Michael says, "Poppa, it's a Mama's 
lasagna. I can't a stop a eating it, it's a so good." 

Poppa says, "You should a also take a smaller bites." 

Then Poppa says to his youngest son, "Fredo! How you a 
stay so slim a and a thin?" 

Fredo says, "It's a so easy, Poppa. Iicks lotsa and lotsa 
pussy."

Poppa says, "Pussy? Pussy, that's a taste like shit!" 

Fredo says, "Poppa, You should a take a smaller bites!"




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RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

Simple Caramel Custard
 

The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version.

Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day 
or $10 per year?

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna












Subscribe 




Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

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MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011

     102474

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday,May 10

A reader sent me this today.
I can see that the gene pool needs a lot more Chlorine!
They can't even spell "global"



I read that Obama stated publicly, that he is in favor of 
legalizing same sex marriage. That should make divorce lawyers
and BMW dealers happy! 

In England, in yesterday's speech from the throne, the Queen
has again omitted mention of any scheduling of a bill to
legalize gay marriage. However, she mentioned plans to fit
problem drunks and drunk drivers with Lindsay Lohan style
ankle bracelets, that detect any trace of alcohol, and to 
automatically throw caught re-offenders into jail.

I stopped drinking quite a few years ago, can't afford it
anyway, and am in favor of anything, that helps reducing
the number of drunk drivers. 

Enjoy!
Ophelia



Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 
Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!


That reminds me,...
When my aunt tried to take an "Introduction to the trades" 
course, they tried to figure out what skill level she was at.
They asked her if she knew the difference between a nail,
a screw and a bolt.

She hemmed and hawed a bit, then admitted she had never 
been bolted, but was willing to try.




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RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

DORM style Apple-Chocolate Crepes
 

The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version.

Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day 
or $10 per year?

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna












Subscribe 




Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version   |      |  Subscribe  |

MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011

     102246

Ophelia Dingbatter's News NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
		Subscribe

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday,May 9

Most people realize that the US is closely following the
steps of Greece. What's the problem in Greece?
Entitlement.
The Unions claim that retirement at 50 with full pay is
something that they fought for and won through bitter strikes,
and that they are entitled to, even if the country goes 
bankrupt.

Mothers, who have raised a son or a daughter, feel motherhood
is the noblest of all jobs and that they are entitled to the same
pensions as a mine or smelter worker. 
And so on. 
Everybody is claiming entitlement and demands that somebody 
else should pay for them, and that the Government should just
borrow the money from the grand kids.

Well, it's the grand kids now, who are screaming for those 
benefits and entitlements, and the rest of the world is getting
quite reluctant to lend them any more money.

Because Greece's credit rating is as bad as mine, the interest
they have to pay is just as bad. Whenever they borrow a Billion,
the first 27%, 270 Million bucks, come off the top as interest.
They never get that! 
The next year another 270 Million get placed on it as more DEBT.
So now they owe 1.27 Billion on the 730 Million they got from
their 1 Billion dollar loan. And so on. Every year another
270 Million DEBT gets added to that loan. That example is for 
just ONE Billion! Who knows how many Billions they owe.

With the people screaming "Entitlement" and voting for whichever
party promises more entitlement benefits, they are not moving
towards getting out of their mess. Selling off prize islands
to Trump and Gates and the Arabs are just making things worse. 
It does not stop the entitlement habit.

Guess which countries are folling their path?

Enjoy!
Ophelia



Here is ONE joke of the type you get in the 
2 cent per day version. ($10 / year, $1 / month)
The full version also has other goodies. 
Have you been good enough to deserve 2 cents per day?
Treat yourself to the FULL VERSION!


A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the
station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours
ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning.

Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept
into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.

Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Honey, would you
go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me
some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."

"Certainly, darling," he said, and feeling his way across the
dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said
the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer
Fenwick, right?"

"Yeah, so?" said the officer.

"Well what the heck are you doing wearing the Fire
Chief's jacket?"




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RECIPE SECTION, 
thanks to Sr Anna

Flaming Crepes
 

The recipe is in the 2 cents per day version.

Do you know somebody, who can afford 2 cents per day 
or $10 per year?

Happy Appetite!
Sr Anna











Subscribe 




Since 1/1/11

             Countries

For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day, $1 per month or $10 per year. Can you afford $1 per month? To subscribe, 1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber, 2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me, 3) That will get you the free subscption. If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4. If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.    Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you         successfully receive the free subscription!     If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you, then the paid version will not make it through either.    Do NOT complain to me,       if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.      There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what       goes on at your ISP or in your computer.   4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter, THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at You can pay easily and securely with PayPal, even if you don't have a PayPal account. Just use your credit or debit card or E-check. If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me. Please send it to Webby, inc Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia. I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about receiving your check. Enjoy! Ophelia

If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please help me stay online!

Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News

Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.

Large Font Version   |      |  Subscribe  |

MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software © Webby 1996-2011

     102026