Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Please vote forOphelia Dingbatter! Subscribe
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, August 22

Thank you, Norm!!!


Please vote for me at the EzineFinder
Ophelia Dingbatter Thanks for voting for me!
Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ____________________________________________________ 1 The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted. A few moments passed . . . "An ambulance just drove by". A few moments later he called out: "Looks like the Anderson's have company". "Matt's riding a new bike." "The Coopers are having sex!!" Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in be! d!!! Dad cautiously asked, "How do you know they are having sex??" "Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony with a Popsicle too. ____________________________________________________ 2 A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage." The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, b ut she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you." Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said "OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash. Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?" The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home." ____________________________________________________ 3 Mary: Yeah! So I said, "Well, I want my virginity back!" Mary: Did you hear that Linda got a great new job? Jill: Really? I wish I could do that. I'd like a change for the better. Mary: Well, you can always do what she did. Jill: What's that? Mary: Don't wear panties to the interview. ____________________________________________________ 4 Mary: Oh, there's Susan at that table by the window, and just look at that skimpy outfit she's wearing! Jill: Why are you so surprised? On "Take Your Daughter to Work Day," she took her kid with her to her spot on the corner of Fifth and Main. ____________________________________________________ 5 Nina, Jill and Mary were duly impressed when Rosey arrived for their weekly bridge game, wearing a gorgeous new mink coat. "That's a lovely mink, Rosey," purred Nina "It must have cost you a fortune!" "But it didn't," said Rosey. "What do you mean it didn't," asked Mary "Just a single piece of arse." replied Rosey "You mean," continued Jill, "you got that just for having sex with your husband?" "No," smiled Rosey, "THE piece of arse he got from his new secretary." ____________________________________________________ 6 The night before my bypass surgery, the doctor wanted me to take a shower; which was fine with me, after three days of using a basin and washcloth. As I walked down the hall, I had a Nurse on either side. The one asked, "Are you going to me able to manage OK?" I said, "I feel weak and dizzy. Perhaps both of you would be kind enough to get in the shower with me." The little blonde Nurse looked up and said, "Nice try." ____________________________________________________ 7 The Socialite telephoned her son-in-law and was berating him for the rumors she'd heard about his affair with a typist who worked for him. "You obviously don't appreciate the difference between a woman of breeding and position and a cheap little office slut." his mother-in-Law admonished him. The man replied, "And you my dear Mother Johnson obviously don't appreciate the difference between dignified acquiescence and true enthusiastic cooperation." =====================================================

Enjoy! (`v) Ophelia
Ophelia Dingbatter
If you like my work,
Please donate a dollar,
or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online!
====================================================== Click to subscribe to the full version! Enjoy! Ophelia
Free counters!
For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
$1 per month or $10 per year.

Can you afford $1 per month?

To subscribe,
1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber,

2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me,

3) That will get you the free subscption.
If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4.
If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.
   Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you     
   successfully receive the free subscription!    

If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you,
then the paid version will not make it through either.

   Do NOT complain to me,   
   if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.  
   There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what   
   goes on at your ISP or in your computer.  

4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter,
THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at

You can pay easily and securely with PayPal,
even if you don't have a PayPal account.
Just use your credit or debit card or E-check.

If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me.
Please send it to

Webby, inc
Box 646
Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0

Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia.
I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about
receiving your check.


If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

Ophelia Dingbatter
Please help me stay online!
Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News
Privcy guaranteed by Webby Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.
Large Font Version   |  Please vote forOphelia Dingbatter!    |  Subscribe  |  

MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software Webby 1996-2014