Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ____________________________________________________ 1 The Sexiest Thing A Gal Can Wear Is A Devilish Smile ____________________________________________________ 2 A priest and a rabbi were talking about confession one day when the priest got an idea. "Why don't you sit in with me on confession today?" "Are you sure that would be okay?" asked rabbi. "Well, no one will know...what can it hurt?" replied priest. So rabbi accepted and first woman in booth said, "Forgive me father for I have sinned." "What did you do?" he asked. "I cheated on my husband," she admitted. "How many times?" priest asked. "Three times, Father." "Say five Hail Mary's and put five dollars in offering box." The next woman who came in had much same confession. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I cheated on my husband three times." Once again priest replied, "Say five Hail Mary's and put five dollars in offering box." Now that rabbi had seen how easy it was he offered to deal with next confession for priest. "Well, I really don't see what it could hurt. Go ahead." offered the priest. Another woman came in and said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." "What have you done?" asked rabbi. "In a moment of weakness I cheated on my husband." she confessed. "Just once?" asked rabbi. "No. Twice." replied woman. "Well, go do it again, they're three for five dollars today." ____________________________________________________ 3 After watching a rather hot love scene on cable, the husband looked over at his wife and said, "How come you never make love to me like that?" "Are you kidding me?? Do you have any idea how much they pay those people to do that??" ____________________________________________________ 4 A man bought a parrot. It sat in its cage all day saying, "Cracker want a polly. Cracker want a polly." The man's friend heard the bird and said, "That bird is really stupid!" The owner said, "No, his name's Cracker, and he's very lonely." ____________________________________________________ 5 >From Bob Across from my house is young Mabel And if her curtains stay open. I'm able To watch her caressing Herself while undressing As long as I stand on this table. ___________________________________________________ 6 "You know 'that look" women get when they want sex?...... Me neither." --- Steve Martin "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." * Jack Nicholson ___________________________________________________ 7 Actual Names of Towns: Nobber (Donegal, Ireland) Arsoli (Lazio, Italy) Muff (Northern Ireland) Bastard (Norway) Twatt (Shetland, UK) Dildo (Newfoundland, Canada) Wankie (Zimbabwe) Climax (Colorado, USA) Lickey End (West Midlands, UK) Shafter (California, USA) Dongo (Congo - Democratic Republic) Dong Rack (Thailand-Cambodia border) Donk (Belgium) Intercourse (Pennsylvania, USA) Brown Willy (every schoolboy's favourite, Cornwall,UK) Lord Berkeley's Knob (Sutherland, Scotland) Stains (Near Paris,France) Turdo (Romania) Fukum (Yemen) Fuku (Shensi, China) Wanks River (Nicaragua) Wankendorf (Schleswig-Holstein, Germany) Shag Island (Indian Ocean) Sexmoan (Luzon, Philippines) Hold With Hope (Greenland) Beaver (Oklahoma, USA) Beaver Head (Idaho, USA) Wet Beaver Creek (Australia) Pis Pis River (Nicaragua) Tittybong (Australia) Dikshit (India) Middle Intercourse Island (Australia) Chinaman's Knob (Australia) Gobbler's Knob (Kentucky, USA) =====================================================

Enjoy! (`v) Ophelia
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