Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Today is Thursday, February 22


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Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ____________________________________________________ 1 A Priest and a Rabbi were riding in a plane. After a while, the Priest turned to the Rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?" The Rabbi responded, "yes, that is still one of our beliefs." The Priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the Rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted pork." The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain chaste?" The Priest replied "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith." The Rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?" The Priest replied, "Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith." The Rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said, "a lot better than pork isn't it?" ____________________________________________________ 2 Awakening the morning after the drunken orgy, the god of war was stretching sleepily when he noticed a lovely Valkyrie standing in the doorway. "Good morning," he said. "I'm Thor." "You're thor?" she replied. "I'm tho thor it hurth to thit down." ____________________________________________________ 3 The only thing better than the sleep of the just is the sleep of the just-after. ___________________________________________________ 4 The young doctor was taking his wife out one evening, when a pretty girl smiled and spoke to him. The wife scenting an earlier love affair, inquired: "Who is the lady, dear?" "Oh, just a girl I have met professionally." "No doubt," meowed the wife, "but whose profession? Yours or hers?" ____________________________________________________ 5 "How is it I find you sleeping with my daughter?" stormed the outraged father. "I ask you, you little bastard, how is it?" "Why, just great, sir," replied the calm young man, 'just great!" ___________________________________________________ 6 Everyone was surprised when fastidious, virginal Percy lispingly announced his intention to wed. "What, you, Percy?" was the amazed reaction. Some skeptics made bets that he wouldn't go through with it, but Percy fooled them. He even went on a honeymoon. Upon his return, one of the losers bitingly asked, "Well, is your wife pregnant?" "I certainly hope so," said Percy with great sincerity. "I wouldn't want to go through a wedding again!" ___________________________________________________ 7 A sexy lady meet a handsome young man in a pub, after some drinks and a little tipsy the sexy lady said to the young man, "My mouth is like a loud speaker, my two breasts are for tuning, left one is for tuning the channel AM or FM and my right breast is for tuning bass and treble depending which mode you want." The young man was aroused by the young lady _expression, and said to the lady, "I don't believe it." Young lady said, "You can try it if you want." Young man said, "OK come to my hotel room and prove it to me." They agreed and both holding hands and headed for the hotel room. Upon entering the room the young lady undressed herself and soon the young man started feeling the left nipple for AM/FM fine-tuning. After a while nothing happened. He changed to the right nipple and start rubbing with greater pressure. Again, nothing happened. The young man soon gave up and asked the lady, "Hello sweetie, after I have tuned your AM/FM and treble/ bass nipples there are no response." The sexy lady replied, "Dumbass, you forgot to PLUG IN your power." =====================================================



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