Good Morning 
It's Tuesday, February 9, 2010

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Ophelia

My blog is at: http://dingbatter.com/blog

	
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Here's a woman with no luck for names. Born Jennifer
Crabb, and enduring teasing throughout school, her
nearest neighbors had the last names Beaver, Butt, and
Blow. Finally she attended Denison College where she slept
in Beaver Dorm. Denison College, by the way, is in Licking
County, Ohio.


When my wife had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly,
she asked me to bring her a few items from home.
One item on her list was "comfortable underwear."

Worried I'd make the wrong choice, I asked, "How will I know
which ones to pick?"

"Hold them up and imagine them on me," she answered.
"If you smile, put them back."





They remind me of DearWebby's Wingnuts page.

The reporter met the plane bringing back demobilized soldiers
from Afghanistan. He wanted to write a human interest story, 
and asked one soldier, 
"What's the first thing you'll do when you get home?"

The soldier immediately replied, "Screw my wife."

The reporter realized he'd never get that printed, and asked, 
"Oh. Well, what's the second thing?"

"Then I'll take off these damned combat boots!"


A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea
arms and was soaking up the Miami sun, when an old flea
friend of his walked by.

"Oscar, what happened to you?" asked the first flea when he
saw how terrible his friend looked -- runny nose, red eyes,
teeth chattering.

"I got a ride down here in some biker's mustache and nearly
froze my nuts off," wheezed Oscar.

"Let me give you a tip, old pal," said the first flea. "Go
to the stewardess lounge at the airport, get up on the
toilet seat, and when a stewardess comes in, hop on for a
nice warm ride. Got it?"

A month later, while stretched out on the beach, the flea
saw Oscar again, looking more chilled and miserable than
before.

"I did everything you said," Oscar explained. "I went to
the stewardess lounge, made a perfect landing, and got so
warm and cozy that I dozed off."

"And so?" asked the first flea.

"And the next thing I know, I'm in this guy's mustache
again!"


This woman decides to buy a new cupboard that you have to assemble yourself.
Back home she reads the instructions carefully and assembles the cupboard in
the bedroom.
It looks really neat.  Then, a train passes and the whole cupboard collapses.

Thinking that she must have done something wrong she rereads the
instructions and reassembles the cupboard.

Then, a train passes and the cupboard collapses again.

Now, fed up she calls customer service.  She is told that this is quite
impossible and that they'll send along a technician to have a look.  The
technician arrives and assembles the cupboard.  Then, a train passes and the
cupboard collapses.

Completely baffled by this unexpected event, the technician decides to
reassemble the cupboard and get inside it to see whether he can find out
what causes the cupboard to collapse.

At this point, the woman's husband comes home, sees the cupboard and says:
"That's a nice looking cupboard", and opens it.
Says the technician: "You may find this hard to believe, but I'm just
standing here waiting for the next train."


For clean, family safe humor and tech tips, 
try the newsletter
of my friend and coach, Dear Webby

Dear Webby's Humor Letter





Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!
Ophelia
ophelia@dingbatter.com

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