Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Today is Monday, August 20



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Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ____________________________________________________ 1 "I know you can't get married on the money I pay you," said the boss to his new employee, "but someday you'll thank me for it!" ____________________________________________________ 2 Little Johnny and his friend Billy were playing in a lane, and found a donkey that had died with a hard on. Being mischievous, Little Johnny cut off the donkey's dick and began brandishing it in the air. Just then a police officer on his bicycle came up the lane. Little Johnny didn't want to be caught with it, so he tossed it over the wall of the Nunnery. Sister Agnes and Sister Mary taking their afternoon stroll found the dick in the bushes. "Oh sweet Jesus," says Sister Agnes. "What's wrong?" asks Sister Mary. "You've gone as white as a sheet." "It's those dirty protestant bastards," Sister Agnes replies. "They have murdered Father O'Toole!" ____________________________________________________ 3 Three women who work in the same office noticed that their female boss has started leaving work early every day, so one day they decided that after she leaves, they'd take off early, too. After all, she never called or came back, so how was she to know? The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She did a little gardening, watched a movie and then went to bed early. The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at her health club before meeting a dinner date. The blonde was also very happy to be home early, but as she went upstairs she heard noises coming from her bedroom. She quietly opened the door a crack and was mortified to see her husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house and went back to work. The next day the brunette and redhead talk about leaving early again, but when they ask the blonde if she wanted to leave early also, she exclaimed, "NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught! ____________________________________________________ 4 The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington DC this Christmas season. This isn't for any religious reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and virgin in the Nation's capitol. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable! ____________________________________________________ 5 A young dog was talking to an old dog and asked him to explain the facts of life to him. The old dog told him to watch him all day and when nightfall came he would know the facts of life.So the young dog watched the next day . First the old dog turned over a garbage can and found him something to eat. A little further along he saw a bitch dog in heat and topped her. He then saw a fire hydrant and after sniffing around he relived himself. That night the young dog told him that he had watched him all day but still couldn't figure out the facts of life. So the old dog told him--I found a garbage can and I ate-- I saw this bitch dog and I topped her-- then I relived myself on the fire -that's the facts of life. IF YOU CAN'T EAT IT OR SCREW IT THEN PISS ON IT! ___________________________________________________ 6 The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living. One little girl said her father was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer. When it was Little Johnny's turn, he stood up and said, "My mom's a whore." Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned. So the teacher asked "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?" Johnny said, "Yes" "Well, what did the principal say?" "He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me an apple and asked for my phone number." ___________________________________________________ 7 One day there was a lady trying to unlock the car with a hanger. A man walked up and asked "did you lock your keys in your car?" She said, "No, I just washed my car and I am trying to hang it up to dry." =====================================================

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