Ophelia Dingbatter's News
NO Sermon here, not for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Please vote forOphelia Dingbatter! Subscribe
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, May 24


Please vote for me at the EzineFinder
Ophelia Dingbatter Thanks for voting for me!
Those who matter don't judge me. Those who judge me don't matter. Those, who click me some grocery money, REALLY matter. ____________________________________________________ 1 A man and a woman are driving in the car when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman got out, picked it up and brought it back into the car. She said: "It looks cold, what should I do?" He said: "Put it between your legs." She replied: "What about the smell?" He said: "Hold its nose." Guess who got beat upside the head with skunk! _____________________________________________________ 2 Tony died and was sent to be judged as to his eternal future. St. Pete advised Tony that he had committed a sin and could not get into heaven right away--he had cheated on his income taxes. Tony begged for St. Pete to forgive him and was told that the only way he could get into heaven would be to sleep with a 500-lb, stupid, butt-ugly woman for the next five years. Deciding this was a small price to pay for an eternity in heaven, Tony agreed and went off with this enormous woman. As he was walking along, he saw his friend Carlos up ahead. Carlos was with an even bigger, uglier woman. Tony asked Carlos why he was with such an unlikely companion, and Carlos informed him it was the price he had to pay for cheating on his wife during all his married years. Carlos and Tony agreed to hang out together to help pass the time--which was bound to hang heavy with such unfortunate companions. As Tony, Carlos, and their two beastly women were walking along, Tony and Carlos could have sworn that they saw their friend Jon up ahead--but how could it be?--this man was with an absolutely drop-dead-gorgeous supermodel, real centerfold material. Stunned, Tony and Carlos approached the man, and in fact it was their friend Jon. They asked him how he'd come to get this unbelievable goddess as a heavenly compaion, while they were stuck with such unfortunate specimens. Jon replied "I have no idea, and I'm definitely not complaining. This has been absolutely the best time of my life, and I've been told I have five years to look forward to of the best sex any man could hope for. There is only one thing that I can't seem to understand. After every time we have sex, she rolls over and murmurs to herself, "Why did I sell those kids those cigarettes?" _____________________________________________________ 3 Mike and Jenny are parked in Lover's Lane. He embraces her with one arm, and begins to explore with the other hand. Looking over her shoulder, he sees a policeman approaching. "Awwwww Hell !" he murmured, "Fuzz !" "What did ya expect ?" Jenny says, "Feathers?" ____________________________________________________ 4 Joe: Why don't you play golf with Bob any more? Mike: Would you play with someone who curses after each shot, cheats in the bunkers and enters false scores on his card? Joe: No! Mike: Neither will Bob. _____________________________________________________ 5 Jim and Fred are at the local discussing the respectve sex lives. "Well," says Fred, "truth be known, I'm just bored with doing the same hole night after night after night. I guess I'm hankering' for a bit of variety." Jim replied, "Well, if you want variety, why don't you just, you know, turn her over every now and again?" Fred says, "What? And have a house full of kids?" _____________________________________________________ 6 Concerned about her husband's impotence but aware that he would never admit it was a problem, the wife went to the family doctor, who prescribed something to cure it. Stopping off at the pharmacy, she had the prescription filled. Unfortunately, the druggist misread the doctor's writing (you know how doctors write) and instead of typing 4 teaspoons on the label, he listed the dosage as 40 teaspoons." The following day, the wife burst in to the doctor's office. "Whats wrong?" he asked as he faced the frantic woman. "Didn't the medicine work?" "Did it ever!!" she replied. "Now I need the antidote so they can shut the coffin." =====================================================

Enjoy! (`v) Ophelia
Ophelia Dingbatter
If you like my work,
Please donate a dollar,
or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online!
====================================================== Click to subscribe to the full version! Enjoy! Ophelia
Free counters!
For more than one joke, plus the day's pictures and movie,
you have to subscribe to the full version.

Since July 1, 2011, the Ophelia Dingbatter's News is 2.7 cents per day,
$1 per month or $10 per year.

Can you afford $1 per month?

To subscribe,
1) If you are not signed up, sign up with the Double-Opt-In Subscriber,

2) Confirm, that your email address CAN receive mail from me,

3) That will get you the free subscption.
If you receive it OK, you can proceed to step #4.
If not, check your spam settings and with your ISP or email processor.
   Do NOT proceed to step #4 until you     
   successfully receive the free subscription!    

If the free subscription gets censored and does not make it through to you,
then the paid version will not make it through either.

   Do NOT complain to me,   
   if your spam setting or your ISP censors your email.  
   There is absolutely NOTHING I can do about what   
   goes on at your ISP or in your computer.  

4) AFTER you have verified, that you CAN receive my newsletter,
THEN you can pay for your subscription to the full version at

You can pay easily and securely with PayPal,
even if you don't have a PayPal account.
Just use your credit or debit card or E-check.

If you want to pay with a paper check, Webby will cash it for me.
Please send it to

Webby, inc
Box 646
Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0

Please mark on it somewhere, that it is for Ophelia.
I will add you to the list the moment Webby tells me about
receiving your check.


If the Subscriber buttons don't work on your browser,
you can accomplish the same with the donate button.

Ophelia Dingbatter
Please help me stay online!
Enough for today!
See ya tomorrow!

Please subscribe a friend to the Ophelia Dingbatter News
Privcy guaranteed by Webby Names and addresses will never be sold or transferred to anybody.
Large Font Version   |  Please vote forOphelia Dingbatter!    |  Subscribe  |  

MagicList 7.5 Newsletter Manager Software Webby 1996-2014